A number of things. Lack of experience. The belief that they are invincible. Carelessness. Easily distracted. I was the cause of an accident shortly after receiving my license and I did well in my class and during my drive times, and drove a lot with the aid of my father... I no longer have that feeling of "It won't happen to me." Might be better if teens not only had to wait a little longer to drive... but also were taught over a longer period of time so they have a bit more practice.
As usual it has been quite some time since my last update. I'm a little bored at the moment and thought I might check in. To let everyone know Philip and I won't be having a baby after all. Actually, just a few days after that post I made I began the awful trek of a miscarriage. It was devestating, despite the fact that I was not far along. My sister-in-law convinced me to go to the hospital about it, leaving my husband and I with a near two thousand dollar bill since we don't have health insurance. I tried to get a hold of some since we are technically at or near poverty level, however all I was met with was confusion on it all. "Are you having the baby here?" the lady I spoke with asked me and my reply was "No, we're actually losing it..." and I was informed that I could not be helped. We still have yet to pay the bill and I get calls most every day from a machine from the hospital, but they still have yet to explain the bill as well. I owe a few hundred dollars to the specialist who performed my sonograms. The thing is... no sonograms were really necessary. You see, I went in on a Wednesday and told the hospital I suspected a miscarriage and I wanted confirmation on it. The proceeded to have me wait for ever (which I suppose is expected at a hospital...) and when a doctor finally got to me he said they would do a urine test, blood test, blood typing, and sonogram. The blood test would provide numbers to see just how pregnant I was. He continued to inform me that should my numbers be under 1000 we would see nothing on the sonogram. Well, they did the sonogram before the blood test. First they did the usual one, running the machine over my belly, then they did a vaginal one because they could see nothing. Even with the vaginal sonogram they saw nothing. After they did the blood test we learned my count was at only 700. I returned the following Friday for another blood test (and they wanted to do another sonogram, however I refused unless my count had increased) only to find my numbers had dropped to 300. Soon enough I would no longer be pregnant. Two or three days after the bleeding I had ceased and go figure... my baby was gone. As you can see... there really was no point of the sonograms. Naturally they are the very most expensive part of my bill. Hopefully soon enough I can get an explanation from the hospital as to why two of them were performed, and why they were done so before any blood work was done. I emailed them, however their reply said they can provide no explanation. x.x I emailed again saying I wouldn't pay anything until they could provide one, but have yet to receive a response from that. I suppose for now I'll pay off the lab bills for all of the tests, then work on the professional guy's bill who did the sonograms. But yeah... So no baby. I suppose it's best since we weren't ready... but I fell in love with the idea only to be crushed. Most all my current and old friends have or are having children... and it's a bit dissapointing that I failed. Well, really I know it isn't my fault, but still... It's bothersome. Anyway, this is long. I'll update again in another few months maybe. By the way, you can find my myspace at http://www.myspace.com/falsehope01
So, I'm really not happy right now because my co-worker called to ask where I was and I'm not supposed to be there for another 45 minutes, and yet she says I'm on the board to have been there 15 minutes ago. Not making me happy. Also, she is about to leave so there will only be one other girl there on her own for a half hour until I get there, then it will be the two of us. It's fucking black friday people... Why the hell will there only be two people? I really hope I don't snap at anyone. I'm pregnant and grumpy. Yeahh... That's the main reason for this update, by the way. It wasn't planned, but yes, Phil and I are having a baby. I'm not far along and I don't know when he/she will be due, but I'll keep you posted if you're interested. I update every day on MySpace so that's a great way to keep up. Yeah... I'm going to go... I don't know... lie down for a few minutes or something.
Ah! Forgot about this for a bit there =P No surprise, right? I'm a constant myspace-er so rarely do I log in here. Sad, I know. Not much new. Loving the married life. My husband is Awesome =) We spend our time at work or playing WoW. Haunt season was awesome. I worked at Hatch and Kraven's Slaughterhouse in Sherman. It was our first year open and Texas Haunts gave us a 10 out of 10, while DFW rated us an averaged 10 out of 10, but they listed it as 9.5 because they don't give out 10's... Whatever. ^.^ We were also declared the best new haunt of 2007. Woot. Well, I'm off to bed. Btw, my dad is a freaking genius. He wound up in the emergency room the other day with a broken foot, and went back again today... And he'll be there once more tomorrow. He's alright though, thank goodness. Don't know what I'd do if my old man weren't alright... I certainly wouldn't bother posting here. Erin's birthday is November 11. If you want to volunteer for manual labor... you can help us build the deck for my parents before her celebration. Just give one of us a call. <3
Yesterday, July 31, 2007, marked my last day as a teenager. Now it's time to party. =) Someone bring me some wine coolers and I shall be happy. xD Such simple desires. Night night!
I'm going to Scarborough with the family today. Hurray for reduced tickets at Tom Thumb. I can't wait to see Philip. I'm going to look my cutest so he'll come home monday wanting me. I was a little annoyed by the fact that he wouldn't pay me much attention at dinner Friday night. We went out with his family for Carol's graduation. Scarborough is our way of celebrating Erin's graduation. Anyway, so Phil sat with his dad and away from me for dinner... and seemed really distant to me... His step-mom even asked him if he really wanted to get married because he didn't act like it. But then in the car on the way home he was holding and kissing my hand, saying he loved me... being sweet again. I don't want him to be embarrassed or uncomfortable in front of his father and step-mom when I'm around. What is he going to do when we are married? Will he still shy away from me then because it's "Weird" to act like a real couple in front of his parents? I don't feel very wanted because of that. I feel as if maybe he is embarrassed by me... I'm not good enough for him to put his arm around me in front of his father. I'm not worthy to be kissed in front of his folks. The more I think about it... the more it bothers me.
Chris is amazing, ya'll! Go ahead and listen! Be sure to vote/rate/comment on his video! (And yes, it's his real voice. I've heard him sing in person and he's awesome)
The Scarborough Renaissance Festival was amazing. I went with Maureen, Grant, and Shane. Met up with Philip afterwards, and put my new camera to some good use ^.^ Today I've been hanging out and spent some time out back playing with the pups. I have pictures of that, too. Whee, I'm having so much fun with my camera. You can find all of my photos posted here: http://s10.photobucket.com/albums/a148/FalseHope01/ It'll ask you to log in, with my name listed for the user name. The password is my fiance's last name. If you don't know it and you want to view the pics just email or call me. kmouch934@hotmail.com I don't feel like listing them invdividually =P Have a great day!
*Giggle* So the wrong wedding gown came in and they ordered a new one for me and that one just came in. I have no idea when I'm going to get around to picking it up. Oh well. I'll do it eventually anyway. We have a location. Chestnut Chapel in McKinney. Not totally loving it, but it's a cute area and it's cheap so I guess that works. I quite WoW awhile back and I totally miss it. I spend my time now with some what of a social life. I saw the beautiful Crystal yesterday and spent most of the day with her and her little boy. Today I have the pleasure of hanging out with Shane. Tomorrow I work. Blahh. Oh well. I can't believe April is already almost here! There really isn't that much new, despite the fact I really don't write on here much. Phil moved out of Jeff's and back to mom's. He has a cute, though naturally messy, little set up in the garage. At least he has a bed this time thanks to Jeff's family. That was very nice of them. ^.^ It's great to see the family any time I go to visit Phil. Emily and Aiden are almost always around it seems, and they're a blast to hang out with. Carol shows up occasionally, and of course I get to see mom alot. And since Phil quit WoW he isn't playing games nearly as much as he used to so we actually hang out more. It's really fun and relaxing for me. I just got over a bad viral infection and now I'm fighting off an inner ear infection and outer ear infection in each ear, so my hearing is aweful at the moment... but I'm just glad to be rid of that stinkin' fever and what not. The ear infections should be gone in another week I hope. I've been great about my medication for it. Uhm... lets see... My nephew and nieces are having their christening in a couple of weeks. Erin's prom is in a couple of weeks. And I think that is pretty much it. I'm still not thrilled with my job but I'm working it anyway. Overall life is nice. Guess that's it for this entry then. See ya'll later.
Call or text me if you want me to send you a picture. I only have it on my camera and am a complete doofus about how to put it on the computer.
If you receive a picture... do NOT show it to Philip. He can know it's pretty, classic, perfect, lovely, sexy, whatever... Do not describe the gown to him, and do not show a picture of it to him.
Thanks.
Bridesmaids... we'll be making some more progress here in the next few months. Be warned I will be giving you a phone call before too long to schedule a day for everyone to request off from work or something so we can run up and check out dresses for all of you. I can't wait to see what ya'll like and how everyone will look.
Update on the date: May be moved to the 8th or 9th (saturday or sunday following original date) to avoid Labor Day traffic.
I went to the Funeral. I feel alot better. I still miss him... But at least I was able to pay my respects and see the family. I just started up WoW again. I missed the addiction. Have to fix a problem with my driver though so it'll stop freezing up on me. It's nice to have something to look foward to doing after work though. Speaking of work... I need to get going. I get off at nine tonight. Ciao.
Fingers crossed... I want to be there... I need to be there... Screw my job. I can work around that. I will get off. Even if I have to quit. But school... God damn finals may keep me here... Please please please... That's something I can't miss. I can't give up school. But I can't miss his funeral. I'm stuck again.
I received several calls today that made me cry. Each one was worse than the one before. My eyes sting and my head aches. I fixed up a drink when I got to Phil's, but my problems didn't go away. The calls kept coming.
His first name was James. He fathered five children, four boys and a girl. From them came twelve grandchildren, six boys and six girls. His great granddaughter was recently born. His great grandson will arrive at the end of the month. From him came alot of great people. From him will come many more.
I knew him by the title of "Granddaddy". He was the best friend of my grandmother, my father's father, and a hardcore LSU Tigers fan. He kicked me out of the living room once for rooting for the opposing team. The first call said he was in Intensive Care at the hospital.
I had just arrived at the mall with my fiance. We were going to pick up a couple of christmas gifts. I broke down in tears in the car. We managed to get what we went for, plus I picked up a stuffed Tigger. It was the only stuffed Tiger that I could find in the mall. He isn't much of my Grandfather's style, but I hoped he would look at the thought rather than the object.
A few more calls informed me that his condition had worsened. Phil and I picked up my mother and drove her about forty five minutes away to meet my father and off they went to Louisiana to see him. I gave my Tigger to my mother, along with a letter for my Granddaddy, for her to give to him upon arrival.
Things only worsened even more. He had no circulation from his waist down, said the second to last phone call. The machines were the only thing keeping him alive.
I felt alot of different emotions. I have never really lost anyone close to me, besides my cat, Tiger, several years back. It was really painful, but this is far worse. When my mother's step-father died I have to be honest, I really didn't care very much. The man was quite a stanger to me and had absolutely no blood relation. He was not a significant figure in my life.
I have been in despair today, I have been angry, I have been happy for a flitter of a moment, I have been worried, paranoid, hopeful, irritated... I'm exhausted from it. Right now I'm simply sad. Granddaddy meant alot to me. A whole lot. I always viewed him and my grandmother as the base of the entire family... Sure, there are people before them, and along side them. But when I look at our family I see them right in the center of everyone.
The last call... Phil answered it. He delivered the news to me. He held me and let me cry yet again.
He's gone. I was selfish and wanted him to make it to my wedding. Before that call... I just wanted him to live a bit longer. Just long enough so that I could tell him I love him. Tell him thank you for everything he has done. He gave me my father, my uncles, my aunt. He gave me my brother, sisters, cousins. He gave me myself. He gave me my family.
My sisters are leaving for Louisiana within the next day. I'll be heading down on my own later in the week. My finals are this week, or I would be heading down right now. I have to make sure I can get off of work for at least three days or so. I need to be there for the funeral. He still hasn't received my present.
Two pages, two pages! *Jumps up and down* Ahahahaha! My report is nearly done! Just one more to go! *Giggles in a maniacal manner*
***Do not be afraid, Katie is not normally like this... She is just tired from staying up and reading the U.S. Constitution and numerous articles on NARAL Pro-Choice America and Roe Vs. Wade. Give her some time and she will heal from this temporary insanity. Or maybe not... since she is writing a note about herself in third person... Pshh... Oh well.
Perfect Dark Zero was alot shorter than I had expected. I mean... Geez. Sure, it was fun. Phil and I beat it on Co-Op. I'm a pussy about playing it all on my own. I will, but I suck at it... And so I rather do anything I can on Co-Op. It's nice having that extra company. But it took my dad and I forever to get as far as we did in Perfect Dark for N64. And even then we still have yet to actually beat it. Of course... he never really has time and I don't have a 64 anymore but oh well. *Sigh* That's what I want for Christmas. A new one ^.^ Oh... and Oblivion for 360. I plan on renting a couple of games just for me tomorrow as I'm raiding Jeff's house (where we have the 360 hooked up so we can use the big screen in the Media room) where I'm going to sit for hours after work playing =) And it's only fair. Phil has a game for him to play (Dead Rising)... A game for him and the guys to play... and a game for him and I to play (Perfect Dark Zero). I want a game for me to play. After all... I did pay for the system... and a second controller... and I purchased one of the games and paid for one rental. He paid for a rental and got another free. Hmm... Y'know what? I have an evening to myself. I think I'm going to catch up on my Sims =^-^= It'll give Dag a chance for a nap in my lap. Haven't been home too much... Anytime I am home he is constantly at my side. It's so cute. Awe... I love my puppy. Oh yeah... and apparently a bunch of weird groups keep calling my house for me, hince why I am home now. I'm waiting for them to call back because my mom apparently doesn't know how to take a good message. *Sigh* Oh well.
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sc0rnmeh's journal
contemplative